The Campus Nazis

It is about 7:00 PM when I arrive at Jay’s on-campus apartment. Not only is this the first day of the new school year, but it is also Jay’s birthday. After a long day of working, I’m pretty beat, and am looking forward to a nice cold brew. As I approach the apartment building, I see two apartments on the ground level. I read the names of the residents posted on each door, but none of the names match my friends’.

“Hmm, must be upstairs,” I mutter.

I walk up two flights of stairs until I reach the second floor, and read the names of the residents on the door to the right.

“Nope, not this one either.” Must be the one on the left.

As I walk closer, I begin to hear rock music booming within the bounds of the apartment.

I smile, “Yeah, I’m pretty sure this is the place,” I think to myself.

Not even looking at the residents’ names, I knock on the door. A few moments later, I’m greeted by a semi-buzzed Jay. He’s wearing his usual blue jeans, a band shirt and stylish black sneakers.

“Sup, dude?” he says with a smirk as we shake hands.

“Not too much. Happy birthday, man.”

“Ah, thanks. Come on in.”

I walk in, and am immediately greeted by Jay’s roommates, all of whom I had met during the previous school year. Derek, a tall and lanky rocker type; Mike, a mid-sized, low-key hardcore guy; and Cory, a large, almost bear-like stoner.

As I settle in and grab my first beer from the mini-fridge, I take a look around the apartment. There are basically two areas: the front which contains an adjoined living room and kitchen, and the back which contains four bedrooms and a bathroom. Scattered along the walls of the living room are various movie posters, and empty beer bottles litter the floor and table tops. It’s the kind of place only a college guy could appreciate. It’s perfect.

We drink and bullshit for about two hours, then head out to the campus pool party. We are all filled with plenty of alcohol, so we try to keep a low profile as we make our way down the campus. I stop two blonde girls walking by us, partly to ask if we’re going in the right direction, partly to flirt with them.

“Hey, do you guys know where the pool party is?” The pool area is about 100 yards ahead of us, clearly in sight.

“Yeah, it’s right up there, where all of those people are. You see it?”

“Oh yeah, that would make sense,” I say jokingly. She gives me a smile.

Unfortunately, the girls are heading back in the opposite direction, so we just move on. We pass by a few large groups of students socializing amongst themselves before making it to the pool area’s gated front entrance. Mike and Cory decide to stay back for a couple minutes, so Jay, Derek and I head in without them. As we walk through the door, we are blasted by a stream of hot air, produced by the indoor pool’s heating system. Not being dressed in proper swimming attire, and being filled with enough alcohol to burn down a fucking bridge, the three of us get uncomfortably hot, very quickly. For about 5 minutes, the three of us contemplate the idea of getting in the pool.

“Dude, fuck this. It is way too hot in here, and I’m not taking my clothes off,” Jay says, obviously annoyed.

Derek agrees. “I don’t know, man. I don’t think it’s worth it.”

I muster one last attempt to change their minds. “Yeah, you guys are probably right. But all I have to do is take my pants off! I can swim in my boxers!”

A few seconds later, two coeds who are apparently pool staff members, approach us.

“Hey, are you guys going to get in the pool?” she says nicely.

“Why, do you want me to take my clothes off?” I say with a flirtatious smirk.

She doesn’t buy it. “Uhhh, no,” she says with an air of annoyance.

The other girl steps up, “Have you guys been drinking tonight?”

“What, are you kidding? We don’t drink,” I reply sarcastically.

Girl #1 steps up again, “I don’t believe you, I can smell the alcohol.”

Now I am pissed off. I tried to be nice to these girls, but they are ruining my buzz, and that is crossing the line. Besides, we weren’t even doing anything wrong.

I take a second to reply, then it just explodes out of my mouth like a bullet, “What are guys, fucking Nazis or something?!”

It takes a second for the girls to comprehend what I just said to them, then they grow as red as bulls, “WHAT, NO! WE DON’T KILL PEOPLE, YOU ASSHOLE!”

“You guys need to leave, NOW!” Girl #1 says, absolutely furious. She grabs my forearm and tries to pull me outside, but I don’t budge.

“Oh yeah?” I say, egging her on.

Jay and Derek finally come out of shock from the situation and end the confrontation.

Jay grabs me, “Ok, we are leaving now.” The three of us quickly walk out without looking back.


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